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Wellness

How to Know if Someone is Trustworthy

It is important at the beginning of any relationship to know if a person is trustworthy.  Whether in romance, friendships, or business, trust is a vital element in a healthy relationship.  Many of us have been hurt in the past by trusting too much or too soon. Learning another person is dishonest can cause you to harbor doubt in others around you. How do you know when you can trust someone?  There is no exact science to knowing if a person is trustworthy, but there are a few tell-tale signs that I will share with you.

How to Know if Someone is Trustworthy

How do they make you feel?

It sounds so basic, but this is one of the first and truest signs of determining whether someone is trustworthy or not.  Your basic intuition will often give you clues and you should explore them. Check in with your gut feelings and ask if this person makes you feel at ease or anxious.  Then ask yourself what they have done to make you feel that way. Is there something about them that troubles you or are you projecting past issues of your own onto them? 

Are they kind to others?

It is likely that we have all been to a restaurant with a fellow diner that is unnecessarily rude to the servers or to a store where they are ill-mannered towards the cashier.  Such situations can be rare, but if they happen often, they can also be telling. A person that chooses to engage in rude and disruptive public altercations is often going to engage in such behavior in private, personal situations.  It may seem easy to make excuses for their behavior, but you know that something in their character causes them to treat other people in this way.

Do they play the ‘blame game’?

You have had experience with people like this in many situations, nothing is ever their fault.  If they make a mistake, even a small one, they automatically blame it on someone else. I’ve been in a relationship like this where I would tell my partner in a loving way about an issue I had.  He would then turn the whole situation around and try to convince me that my actions caused his own. The scary part is, I believed him, for a long time. Other relationships in my life suffered and so did my self esteem, due to me not recognizing what I could see and what other people were telling me about this man.

How to Know if Someone is Trustworthy

Do they gossip?

Have you ever thought while listening to someone gossip wildly about other people that they may do the same about you?  This is a hard lesson to learn and usually you discover it in middle or high school. Desperate to share a burdensome secret, you choose to confide in a friend.  Unfortunately, that friend decides to confide in another friend and eventually everyone knows your secret. The time following the unleashing of your secret is often humiliating and agonizing.  I’d like to say that gossiping ends as you get older, but unfortunately, it continues throughout your life. Finding people that you can truly trust and confide in may prove to be difficult. If you know that a person is prone to spreading gossip, you can figure that they will not exclude your secrets  from their next gab session.  

History Repeats Itself

I am all for second chances, but there comes a point when enough is enough.  If a person has broken your trust once, they may have made a mistake and genuinely feel guilty about it.  If they continually break your trust, it is time to recognize that they are untrustworthy. They will not change, it is just part of their nature.  You either have to end your relationship with them or accept that you cannot trust or confide in them. Also, if multiple sources inform you that a person is untrustworthy, you should listen.  Sometimes you may not want to believe that a person you care for could be as other people say, but more often than not, you discover their true character is what others have told you. 

These are just a few of the signals to look for when trying to determine if you can place your trust in someone.  Take time to acknowledge the different characteristics of a person and do not accept anyone at face value. Trust is so vital to navigating through life and once it is broken it is difficult to regain.  Are you trustworthy? Think of what other people would say about you when going through these signs and if you find yourself lacking in any area try to work towards regaining the trust of others. 


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